stained glass

shatters. falls through clumsy hands. unwittingly slits the wrists of an almost mother. blood seeps from superficial wounds. no tears for this tragedy. nor condemnation of the almighty. just the roaring silence of grief. and the absence of hope.

seven nights

since i last held you in my arms. your eyes shut to the world. born but already gone. your heart stopped beating whilst mine somehow. kept on. and all is lost. for without you, i have nothing but tears and what ifs to offer. my beloved son. everything of beauty in this world is yours.

three …

on this night before the day. that life is given and then taken away. i lay one hand on my belly, my heart, my child. the other on the forearm of my friend, my love, my soulmate. and allow myself to savour these precious few moments where all that matters is just. us. three. a family.

tell someone

so this sadness can be appeased. share this secret. so that tears and heart ache don’t find you alone. so much to say yet no-one to reach out to. this joy on delay until everything is ok. and then only can i speak of what it is that grows inside me. not fear, not melancholy. not even hope or joy. but a truth that strips away the layers of uncertainty. to reveal what i have always known yet been too scared to believe. if it’s meant to be. it will. BE.

aurora borealis

you danced across the night sky. with every movement an explosion of colour. with every slow start a sudden, joyous, burst of god. of miracles. of universe. and everything inside me tingled with your blessing. with new hope born from this dream fulfilled. with tears that celebrate a heart unbroken. i see your light. and i believe.

sisters

one of three yet somehow most of the time it feels as if it is only me. and them. lived a life too far away for anything but the occasional hello. more goodbyes than aeroplane rides. love still lives but in a quiet runner up kind of way. my red ribbon to their gold and silver badges of sisterhood. awarded for almost a decade of togetherness. whilst i unravel on the island with no sun.

new news

i cried today. this new news. this blessing. weighs on my heart like a feather. light with hope but so easily swept away by the winds of melancholy. because in our love. with this new love. comes an unexpected yearning for love. for the closeness of those who for a small eternity now, have been so far away. i cried today. small sobs tearing from a mending spirit. lonely in a room filled with people. empty with this full-up-all-inside-me-ready-to-explode-almost-happy feeling.